How Do We Grow?

After watching the Oscar nominated movie "Boyhood", I began to ponder how we grow as individuals. What are we striving to be? Throughout high school and most of college, I was determined to be unique and true to myself. A somewhat hedonistic philosophy on life that revolves around self gratification and self improvement.

Mason Jr. reminded me a lot of myself growing up as well as what I wanted to be. He was constantly thinking and coming up with creative and unique thoughts and then was able to communicate them. The ability to question everything and develop your own opinions is an ability I have always wanted to have. I believe developing this skill is the path to ultimate wisdom.

Since college, I have strayed away from being an individual and turned my efforts towards being more like other people. Shutting down my inner desires and focusing on where the world thinks I should be. This is a step in the wrong direction and 2007 Colin would not be happy about it.

A few essential things have changed since the education years such as joining the military as well as getting married. Both of these life events create pressure to be like your predecessors. In the Army, there are manuals on how to act in every situation, how to dress, how to talk to people, and even what values you should adopt. Even though these are great values, the fact that they are mass produced causes them to lose meaning. Values cannot be forced on any person; they must be discovered on their own.

Coming from a lifestyle where I was my own motivator and role model, constantly striving to not only be a better more unique version of myself, but to also take risks and follow my inner desires, the change was drastic yet subtle. I was definitely ready for change but I didn't realize that it was so black and white. My current life goals have shifted from working hard to figure out who I am and what I love, to working hard to become an adult and advance in my career. The only way to become more adult and mature is to model after people you have met in the past that you believe were a good example of such characteristics.

The same goes for marriage. Reading books, watching movies, trying to model my marriage after the marriages that came before me. Convincing myself that I will be happy and have a successful marriage if I can be more like the couples on TV; be more like the person my marriage counselor encourages me to be. There is no doubt that if I can transform myself into this cookie cutter person and my wife can do the same, we will both fully understand each other and live happily ever after together in predestined bliss. Happiness is also relative and different from person to person.

The happiness that is achieved through the deformation of a personality is a very incarcerated joy. Outer happiness with inner confusion.

Becoming consistent and predictable is valued too high.

Trying to be like others has silenced my inner personality and turned me into a societal clone. Is there a point in everyone's life where we all become the same person? The cultural norm that defines a "typical American." Why do I all of a sudden want to be this cliche?